I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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