I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
