You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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