I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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