My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A+ Viking dick
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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