NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
