i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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