I think im going to throw up on grandma
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
