So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
