Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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