that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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