I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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