he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just invented taco cereal.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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