he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
