I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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