Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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