I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
