real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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