Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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