there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
