fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
