Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
