I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize