Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
