He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
