He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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