Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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