what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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