I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
