she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
