I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
