i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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