Christians are straight up FREAKS
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is the high leading the old right now
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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