when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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