You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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