is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
