Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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