and you said cock pushups were impossible
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
