two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
