I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
