do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
