the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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