my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
