i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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