Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
