where does the pee come out of this thing
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
