He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
