Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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