i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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