last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
