Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
