When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
