Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
