So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
