Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
