Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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