i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
