someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
