I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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