I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
