Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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