you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
