that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
