I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize