I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
