I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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