So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
did you just send me my own nude
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
