He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it because I queefed?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
