Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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