Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We got so high we made milksteak
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
