And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
