No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
