Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
