after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
