Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
