If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She made me pour olive oil on her.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
