stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
