from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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