u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
