you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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