My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
