Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
