All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
