I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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