You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I fill condoms, not promises.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize