My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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