my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
pray to the hookup gods
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
