2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
