I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
