This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
