I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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