It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
