They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
