Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
