ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
