Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
