So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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