how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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