cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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