I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
