Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
