I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
