My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
PANTIES FOUND
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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