i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
