please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
