I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
