I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
