Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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