I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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