she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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