did you get engaged???
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize