while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
