During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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