As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
FUCK WHALES
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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